I need to go to the doctor's office right NOW, because you will never believe it, my ass is literally broken in 2 pieces right down the middle, it not only actually has a big hole in it, but also a deep crack in it too in the very middle!
"Hey dad! You won't believe it! I finally had sex for the 1st time today!"
"Really, son? Let's sit down and chat about it."
"Aww, dad but I cant yet. My ass is still way too sore."