DON'T leave me! I don't have any friends now!

Updated: Apr 3

It is around 10:30 pm on a Wednesday night.


Tonight is not much different from my other lonely nights, in that, it's just another night that ends in MY eternal loneliness. Most days are, in fact, lonely. It must be because of my limited social finesse. After Scott spoke with me last night using one of the latest apps, he has informed me of my shortcomings. Then this morning I awoke to his latest message.


He informs me of the real reason he moved out earlier this year,

"Here's the last word for you, I am going to say about this topic. The reason I had to leave and, you turned me off, and move on, is that your 1st impulse is to offend."


He says I turn people off and make them not want to help me.


He also stated,

"you are just a liability to be seen with in public."


Well, thanks, man!

What a pleasant thing to declare.


He may have a point though because my last two birthdays were desolate, as my last birthday had 4 whole people, including me & Scott. My high school friend wasn't there, nor anyone. The only other 2 were Santiago and his GF.

And please note, I don't even know him that well.


Ok, HOLD ON!

In the middle of working on this, my super rational, perceptive BF, made me aware that Scott also came into some $$$, had a fight with the neighbor, as well as us being in a former D/s relationship much earlier in our friendship, which are much more accurate in describing why he left. This alone means that Scott still tries to manipulate me by bringing me down to make himself feel bigger or stronger, so that he attempts to maintain Dominance over me.


"Yeah, Scott...Good luck with that, bud!"


A bold narcissist HE is!



I have perused others' writings to, perhaps, find some answers, as they may have the same disorder I have. They explain their MH (Mental Health) issues, and tonight I thought I would explain mine.


I am not seeking pity, however, compassion and empathy are always nice to receive.


Mike, my cousin, molested me at a very tender age, then I told, what I thought was a friend, about my encounter.


This was my worst mistake during my entire existence!


After confiding my deepest darkest secret to him, all my peers, from that point on, constantly berated me, as they perceived me being homo/gay. With no anti-bullying laws in effect for me, there was NO relief in sight!


Instead, my ENTIRE childhood from 2nd throughout 8th grade was a very isolated time for me. It is interesting to note that I am, in fact, NOT homo. But it took many decades for me to discover who & what I really was, deep down inside. Even though I went from therapist after therapist from the time I was around 6, I still continue to go to therapy. After many years of intense therapy, I finally discovered WHO & WHAT I actually am.


I NOW know that while I am NOT HOMOsexual, I am actually BIsexual.


After having different encounters with both, I now know what my preferences are.


BI is BEST!

Right?


Since it's the BEST of BOTH, the experiences can be unlimited, but usually aren't.


That's how I finally discovered myself. It was not until I was around 40 years old, when the doctor finally diagnosed me with BPI (Bipolar Disorder).


So then I thought I was Bi twice, Bisexual and Bipolar.


Now, just within the last year, end of 2019, I received yet another new diagnosis.


This time it was BPD.