My Most CRUSHING, PAINFUL & UNBEARABLE day EVER!

I think I have given up.



Because,

RIP - My relationship

Sept 25th, 2019 - We met

Oct 17th, 2019 - dating

Dec 1, 2020 - NO more


I have been in a few relationships in this past half century. NONE, however, have ever been, nor ever will be, as blissful and so very gratifying as mine was with Rob. The 1st one ever that was everything I ever dreamt of and wanted.


1st impression - He was so fucking gorgeous!

Perfect body

AND

YOUNG, SWEET & SMOOTH!

This is exactly what I have ALWAYS wanted!


Then as we converged and joined our new lives together, he was the ONLY one to ever have ME completely in such high regard without even giving himself a 2nd thought. He was always looking out for me, NEVER to have any ulterior motives or deep dark self interests of any kind. He was always urging me to better myself and be very healthy in everything I did along with suggesting I further my education.

He was 150% Self-LESS always concerned about me exclusively.


I fucked my life up beyond words, feelings and emotions today when I left him sleeping and headed home. The absolute WORST decision I ever made.



He, unfortunately didn't know I had left and called me when I was already on the freeway. We spoke and he asked me if I snuck out on him like I did once before. Since I didn't have the balls to say, "yes" I told him that I was just out and would be back, and he even asked for me to bring him breakfast. I continued on and knew I was totally out of line and doing what I SHOULDNOT have done. Deep down I was & still am languishing about what I did and always will. Now I am regretting it eternally.


He called me one last time and gave me his ultimatum.

"Come back to help me or I will break it off."


But the LAST thing that I would want is for him to do that.


Because,


I was, however, by that time over 100 miles away. I was half way between my home and his. It was just too far to turn back.


I had to decide between,

going all the way back and wasting all the good time I had made traveling

OR

just go on.


I continued on with the inappropiate and painful decision I had made. I will always suffer for this horrible and atrocious decision for the rest of my existence.


I was trying to get back home to be in time for a lousy service call. As a few minutes elapsed after I spoke with him, my buddy called and said he would be there for it. I felt it was way too far to turn back. So, after finding out my bud was going to be there after all, it was the absolute worst conduct I could have ever done.


I know.